I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
