Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
