Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm drive I can fine osifer
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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