Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
