We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize