so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
