Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize