I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
