before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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