we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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