Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Never underestimate the power of titties
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
