Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
