I swear god or herbie drove my car home
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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