I hate all girls vehemently.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
this beer tastes like vomit already
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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