Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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