Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
