I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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