i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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