I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
