His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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