Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
