Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
