turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
