Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
