if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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