Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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