Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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