32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
