there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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