Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
