Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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