I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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