I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
