my shit smells like andre
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize