i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
