Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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