he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
