wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
