Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
