I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
