You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize