Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize