Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
