So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
