I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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