My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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