i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
