Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
