Me too!
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
