I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
