I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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