He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I could fuck to npr.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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