ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
