I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
That accounts for only three of the penises
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
