Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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