after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
