Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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