R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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