I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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