i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
