did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
