i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize