dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
