So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
