don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
