So drunk its hurt
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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