I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
