I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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