I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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