Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
