My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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