your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
