I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
