She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
