Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
