I just threw up on my dentist
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
