If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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